I should get at least 6 hours of sleep tonight. It’s currently 2100, which leaves me 8.5 hours until it’s time to wake up. That’s a perfect amount of time to catch up on those tasks I’ve neglected all week!
Bargaining
OK – if I fall asleep now and wake up at 0530, that’s x amount of sleep but I can’t go to sleep now because I still need to finish y tonight. Search “average length of time to fall asleep”? To get a full night’s sleep I would’ve had to be in bed, lights off, at least 2.5 hours ago. The latest I can feasibly go to sleep at this point is – not going to make much of a difference now, I guess. If I’m asleep by 0400 I can probably get through my shift without too many consequences but that’s still just 180 minutes of sleep. And God knows that’s just gonna make me even more exhausted. It’s not worth sleeping if I’m just gonna end up stuck in that irritating zone between consciousness and complete nonsensical exhaustion that falls between 2 and 4 hours of sleep. Alright, 179 more minutes to finish-up what I was supposed to do tonight.
Hell, I’ll just stay awake.
Anger
Fuck, tonight’s already a dumpster fire. Why are our bodies so damn human?
Denial
It’s not like anyone will know how many hours I’ve been sleeping. My quality of work won’t slack, I’ll be sure to take care of everything I’m supposed to. Most of my days are run on autopilot at this point anyways. What’s a few hours of sleep if it means I’m even further behind on everything I’ve been meaning to do?
Don’t disappoint anyone, don’t be high maintenance. Keep my head down and -wait! – can’t put my head down yet. I still have so much to do tonight.
I’m the responsible one. The responsible one. Remember all the times I’ve been called the successful one?
Depression
Finally in bed. Set my alarm for 0530. Change it to 0535. Set another alarm for 0545. Delete them all and set a final call for 0550. Drop the phone onto the pillow and roll over with a huff. Close my eyes for a few anxious seconds. Roll over again, open my eyes, stare into the darkness for a bit too long and think about tomorrow with a bit too much dread.
Acceptance
Pick the phone up again and squint and the blue light assaults my bloodshot eyes.
“Hello,
I am ill and will not be coming in today. Apologies for the short notice.”
Best regards,
Your Loyal Employee!
I drop the phone and pass the fuck out.
a mug that a man once pulled from his own cupboard to serve me coffee in
unironically
pro-whimsy agenda 